How protective styling was hurting my little girl hair image #naturalhair

I was on room mom duty in one of my daughters class when the assistant principal came by. She must be really nice to them cause all 16 girls just rush for her to hug her the minute she entered. I was thinking aww that’s so sweet, then I notice something else.

As she was talking, the other kids started going back to their seats, some stay standing up watching her (we were getting ready for a field trip, lots of excitements) three or four of them were still in her arms. she still had her arms around them, one of them was my kid!

But that wasn’t it. my daughter was brushing her hair in awe the whole darn time. I was getting annoyed with her, then a little angry I was ready to yank her by  her collar… why is she touching that lady’s hair so much?

I have two daughters and had it been, my other one I would have understood cause homegirl loves hair. She brushes my hair all the time, she brushes her hair all the time, she gives her dolls haircut she plays with wigs. she even brushes the dog! She just loves brushing hair!

I know my girl loves playing with hair so if it was her I would have understood!

But the fact that it was my other kid, who never wanted to have anything to do with hair it got me taken aback. 

Especially we have a rule about touching other people hair and be touched by other people we even practice “the duck” we had super lice problem going around in our state. I had established the rule for my other kid (the hair lover to keep her from getting and giving hair makeover to and from other kids) not her. I never picture her (my I-could-care-less-about-hair) kid to ever be interested in someone else’s hair let alone be touching it and running her finger through it all that much.

I didn’t say anything to her that day, we went on our field trip and enjoy our day. So the next day was wash day since we are already dealing with hair, I pulled her close and asked her about what I saw.

She became embarrassed, and her eyes were filling with tears. (What the heck did I do?) I quickly reassure her it was no big deal I was just curious because that behavior was a little out of character for her.

then she said something to me that broke my heart a little.

She started to describe how soft and “pretty” it was and she just wanted to touch it.

But you never want to do your own hair…Don’t you think your hair is soft and pretty? 

She gave me a shy “Yeah, but” answer she thinks I wanna hear! 

We talk about hair a lot! I let them wash their own hair, we take care of our hair and protect our natural strand!

I was so hurt and scared did my little girl didn’t like her hair? she doesn’t feel beautiful? 

After our long talk and using pretty word to describe our hair she finally said it.

It wasn’t that she didn’t like her hair, she said what’s the point of having long beautiful natural hair if I can’t wear it out like everybody else?

I only let them wear their hair out on Sundays for church or if we going somewhere fancy. School is always a no-no

For so many reasons: Lice for starters 
I can imagine people just sticking their hands in their hair and they won’t know what to say.

And God forbid someone in administration telling them their big hair is too big for school. I’m ashamed to admit my coward-ness  but that stuff is real and I wanna shield them from those fight as much as I can for as long as I can.

And you have the dryness, the knots, the tangles… We need protective styling!
I figure if they wore neat and tuck buns that would solve the problem but instead, I created new ones!

To her, it seems if my hair is so pretty why can’t I wear it out like everyone else? Why are we always worrying about knots and tangle? Why do I have to hide my hair?


My hair lover girl protest her bun every single time we usually work out a compromise, but her? she never said anything? I never knew how much this bothered her and she was forming unhealthy ideas and conception about her hair. #majorSadFace

I felt so hurt! 
I have been working so hard to teach them to love and appreciate their hair, their skin and who they are and there I was creating more problems.

What I thought was promoting healthy hair practice turn to be a bad thing. Every time I would say you can’t wear your hair out so you don’t get tangle and knot that will damage your ends. she hears my hair is too knotted and tangled to wear out.

I’m grateful we got to have this talk now rather than later.

From now on, we say screw protective styling, we gonna have fun with our hair no matter what!

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