Don’t fake it Till you make it! Deal with it

I’m coming out of a funk! 

A depressive, anxiety ridden funk. I try to keep a grateful heart and energize myself and cultivate a good attitude but sometimes it just not enough.

In January, I went back to work, first job I got in two years. It was a great place, small, fast pace, new technology a software developer’s dream! It was flexible and close by, a mom’s dream! 

It looked like I hit the jackpot and I begin to thank God and even thought that’s the reason why I haven’t had a job in two years. God was putting together the right environment for me to thrive!

My three months contract wasn’t even up they freaking went out of business! 

Are you freaking kidding me?

I’m back on the nervous wreck rollercoaster, I didn’t take it too well, I was pissed!

My reality wasn’t matching my faith and belief. 

I believe I’m a winner
I believe I’m more than a conqueror
I believe I have more than enough
I believe I have the victory
I believe that favor and mercy follow me
I’m expecting great things!

My reality was screaming the complete opposite, and I’m left frustrated and angry.

I went to church that Sunday and it was all over my face! I should have stayed home that day, but my one of the singers who was scheduled got sick and texted at the last minutes asking if I could cover. 

So I psyched myself up and went. It was a disaster! It was all over my face. Every happy word of praise and faith that came out of my mouth felt like a lie.

But I needed to be there, to face my funkiness head on, to recharge and talk about it. I’m not much to talk about stuff, I fake it till I make it! You know tough it out, pull yourself by the bootstrap and whatever!

And it’s wrong! we need people, we need help! I needed help, I needed to talk to somebody, I was in a bad shape mentally and I needed to let it out.

I like said I showed up to my biggest community with funk on my face, and people could tell. I couldn’t ignore me anymore. It was the big push I needed, I was able to get some help, it doesn’t take much. Sometimes just talking to someone to help put things in proper perspective. And remember that God is still on my side and there are better days ahead.

The whole fake it, till you make it crap is not cute anymore, we need to deal with our lives as it comes.

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